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Nov. 11th, 2011 05:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
murigeToday my father died.
He shot himself while his gf was out shopping. Nobody quite understands why yet, but I have some rather vague guesses which I don't really feel like sharing tbh.
Personally, idk how I feel about this, either. I'm rather shocked and I'm a little sad, too (nobody should die) but... probably not as sad as I should be, considering that well. He died. I haven't been in contact with him for years and that was both his and my choice. He has never been supportive, never helped me in much of anything and we've never had a ~deep bond~ of any kind, but I suppose that's the case for many. I don't know if I should feel bad for being so annoyed at having to take care of his funeral. It's really bothersome considering that he still had a German ID but lived and died in Spain. I'm his last living relative who is under the age of 80, which means that I'm responsible for a lot of things now. To be honest, I am ... really annoyed at this because it means I'll have to pay a lot of money for things whereas he made sure that he would never have to give me any money whatsoever.
You shouldn't talk bad about the dead I guess, but I'm honestly not trying to badmouth him. He lived his life the way the thought it should be lived and I respect that. I don't agree with his ways but hey. Nobody ever said that I should. He didn't, either. But in the same way that I didn't support his choices, he didn't support mine either and I was his daughter when it was convenient. I was good for bragging with ("She's so smart! Look at her!") but only as long as I took care of myself and didn't ask him for anything.
Ah, idk. I'm still confused and shocked. Maybe I'll be able to be really sad later.
He shot himself while his gf was out shopping. Nobody quite understands why yet, but I have some rather vague guesses which I don't really feel like sharing tbh.
Personally, idk how I feel about this, either. I'm rather shocked and I'm a little sad, too (nobody should die) but... probably not as sad as I should be, considering that well. He died. I haven't been in contact with him for years and that was both his and my choice. He has never been supportive, never helped me in much of anything and we've never had a ~deep bond~ of any kind, but I suppose that's the case for many. I don't know if I should feel bad for being so annoyed at having to take care of his funeral. It's really bothersome considering that he still had a German ID but lived and died in Spain. I'm his last living relative who is under the age of 80, which means that I'm responsible for a lot of things now. To be honest, I am ... really annoyed at this because it means I'll have to pay a lot of money for things whereas he made sure that he would never have to give me any money whatsoever.
You shouldn't talk bad about the dead I guess, but I'm honestly not trying to badmouth him. He lived his life the way the thought it should be lived and I respect that. I don't agree with his ways but hey. Nobody ever said that I should. He didn't, either. But in the same way that I didn't support his choices, he didn't support mine either and I was his daughter when it was convenient. I was good for bragging with ("She's so smart! Look at her!") but only as long as I took care of myself and didn't ask him for anything.
Ah, idk. I'm still confused and shocked. Maybe I'll be able to be really sad later.
