Bani

Merry Christmas, guys! I know I’m late but I was too busy with gaming to actually get my ass up and write this when it was more appropriate :D Yes you read that correctly, I spent most of Christmas in front of a console beating up stuff. I approve heavily – I don’t quite care if baby Jesus does, but then again, I never did. When it wasn’t at home, I was at work. Consequently, I didn’t spend a single day with my family. It just wasn’t possible and that’s okay, I mean, can’t be changed. As a result however, it might as well have been Easter for all I care. No Christmas-y feelings whatsoever here : / Oh well. I did bake cookies, at least.

Also: presents! ( Let me show off what I got :D )

Tadaima! I don't want to bore you with the details, but it was exhausting and expensive.

Truth be told, I've really hit the "mourning nau." phase of this mess. Now that everything is starting to settle down and I get a bit of time to myself, I'm really starting to remember all of his good sides and certain events where I felt very happy and all "Ah. I'm his daughter after all wwww". I can't say that I miss him already or anything because as I said, we haven't been in contact recently so nothing will really change, but... Before, I think that there was always this backdoor kinda thing in my mind. I chose not to be in contact with him. Now I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to. That is finally hitting home, as well as a couple of other things. Like, I'm starting to feel regret for not being more understanding of some stuff and I mean. Our last conversation was a huge argument about money. Or maybe it was about money as a front and about other things when you looked deeper into it. Actually, I don't care - it was an argument and we both left angry and haven't seen each other since. Tbh I can't even remember it very well anymore. My last clear memory is of him standing in my tiny kitchen in Bremen, asking me if he could look into my fridge (which I thought was weird) and then laughing over the lack of choices. That was what started the argument at least, considering that my "lack of choices" resulted from his lack of child support OTZ Oh well. It's in the past.

Because I can't very well sit around doing nothing, as much as I wish I could, I've been keeping up with 2525 and ofc Skyrim a lot (which is awesome awesome awesome). More flaily posts later. Honestly, fandom is a great distraction and I think it's actually good that I'm going to work already again, even though it was hell today with how I was feeling. It can't possibly be healthy to mourn so much. He's gone, that's sad and tragic and really stupid but I need to accept it and move on with my life.